a song to describe how i feel...

我恨我愛你 - 張惠妹

面帶微笑離開你懷裡　我聽天由命
最後一張王牌在手裡　二選一的機率
不能放縱愛你　就放過自己

愛情已經過了甜蜜期　多說也是無益
愛不愛我已經沒關係　一點小傷而已
你可以很放心　我不會為了留你假裝可憐兮兮

都怪我太不爭氣　我恨我愛你
Oh~ 我愛你　只是因為你是你
Oh~ 我恨你

你有我看也看不清的小聰明
你有我說也說不完的壞脾氣
你有我數也數不盡你　的新戀情

沒關係
我有你拿也拿不走的舊回憶
我可以一個人安靜的忘記你
我恨你最後那一句　我愛你

formatting my laptop... and using my bro's laptop to blog. Finally finished my exams... It was a horrible sem... totally cannot concentrate on studies due to the many things that happened in the whole of the past 6 months... walking in and out of it... yet not completely out of it yet. in the end, probably chui my whole sem n exams...

Listening to song and blogging down my feelings... Feeling a lot of emotions, not only for myself, and also for friends around me who are now walking out of their break-ups... Sometimes i wonder, do people really know what they want in a life partner. Being one of those who r still in the midst of healing n walking out, I still wondering what exactly happened or what went wrong. Sometimes I really blame myself for not doing anything... Or for not being a considerate partner. I regret for not being someone who can complement him or to care enough for him. I thought being beside him and caring for him was how I can show my love. I regret the times that I was being spolit or unreasonable... Then, i felt angry... angry for being betrayed. now, its just sadness left... I put my whole heart into loving this person... Never ever loved so much... Waiting for us to graduate, to move together into a new chapter of our lives... to be there, supporting and loving, caring and respecting each other. I thought he is the one that will hold my hands to the end, to hold me through all the happy times, the sad, the troubled and the many more to come in our future...

I still see the future that had the both of us... to have a family together... how our home will be like, and how would it be like to have kids and raising them together... now, its just a dream, a beautiful yet now painful dream...

After hearing from someone else, suddenly i feel a lot of emotion, for myself, n for my friend. I really thought about a lot of things... and all the emotions started pouring out from my broken heart. after so many months, my feelings for him has not cease a single bit. Trying to move on with my life, and wanting to forget...

tuesday... had my 1st paper yesterday... Won't say its too bad... given the amount i had to cram into my small brain... and the amount i actually REALLY got into my brain... Neurobiology.. tink killed a bit of my brain along with it haha...

one down, 5 to go.... Ooo lah lah... i'm jumping for joy... *sarcarstic*

the song still my goal... moved back a few steps these few days... but still, prob due to my exam stress n PMS prob... come on girl, u can do it!

Breaking out these few days too... tat is VERY bad.. I still have a HUGE n RED n VERY PAINFUL spot on my forehead that nothing can cover up!! the smaller ones r more or less taken care of... lucky... then still have a slight swollen right eye... Can't wait for exams to b over so i can relax!! Keep on going!!!

DYINGGGGG~~~~~ Exams sux!!! I hate exams ah!!! And lab reports!! Sad... 1st paper on monday. and i'm still very far behind! die le die le... so terrified now.... =(

Countdown!! Exams inched closer by another day!! And i was watching a korean series that is gg to show on tv... hahha... managed to stop myself from watching too much... its called "Cruel Temptation"... the female lead is so pretty n cool after her transformation! I love her whole look and how she dresses as the char... hahha... esp her hair! But tink i dun wanna cut my hair short like her...

The storyline is actually quite interesting... recommend pple to watch also... tink my mum might like watching it too!

Kk... back to my mugging le... *phew*

I happened to come across this song in my dad's ipod. Shld be uploaded inside by my bro... I think its very suitable for me right now. And probably in a way it describes how i wanna work towards... It felt like its a song, just for me... I actually felt so good and encouraged while listening to this on my way to school today. Felt so confident and light in my steps... Suddenly I felt everything is so beautiful and felt so free too... And its all i want to say, and left to say...

*Dedicating this song to all my friends and those who were once hurt... like me*

I look so good (without you)

boy i would have thought that,
when you left me I'd be broken,
with my confidence gone,
so gone.
hey boy i would have thought that
when you said that you don't want me
I'd feel ugly as if something was wrong

standin' in front of the mirror
my skin's never been clearer
my smile's never been whiter

(chorus:)
I look so good without you
Got me a new hairdo
Lookin' fresh and brand new
since you said that we were through
done with your lies
baby now my tears dry
you can see my brown eyes
ever since you said goodbye

I look so good
I look so good without you
I look so good
I look so good without you

hey i never would have thought that
when you left me
I'd feel sexy and so good in my skin again
and I never would have known that
I'd be dreaming so much better
without you in my head

standin' in front of the mirror
my clothes never fit better
my laughs never been louder

(repeat chorus)

i look so good
i look so good without you
i look so good i look so good without you

now baby my body's lookin' better than before
ain't biting my nails since you walked out of that door
I realize now i deserve so much more
than what you give
than what you give
than what you give ohhhh

Lazy day of unsuccessful effort to study.. very bad very bad indeed since 1st paper is in a week's time. Had a great dinner at some coffee house at clementi. Was suppose to be recommended on TV last week by some programme... Actually the food is really not too bad... I liked this deep fried salted egg coated scallop... weird combi but taste really good together! Went dinner with my uncle and cousins and my cousin's gf and my bro... Then had cake... chocolate cake with rum and dark cherry... from awfully chocolate!! THE CAKE WAS DELICIOUS!!!!!! absolutely heavenly!! it just melts in yur mouth and the cherry bits were just nicely mixed with hints of rum... Prob shld buy one for xmas this year!

the awfully heavenly delicious chocolate cake!!!

my cousin's bunny rabbit! very cute n hyper n cuddly...

so cute!

Parrot "Macau", gentle and so friendly... Knows how to say "hello" & its own name!! so adorable

Note: my hair just doesn't go back to the way it looked yesterday, no matter how much i blow n style it myself... i need a hair straightening iron!!! still, my hair now looks better than before the cut!! =)

Oh yeah! A great friday 13th! Well, nothing bad happened.. had a great haircut even!! Nice lunch of ayam penyet n gado-gado, and a slow nice shopping day in town! I love my new haircut!! Absolutely happy n satisfied with it. Haven't felt like that for such a long time! Only thing is that, I prob will nt be able to get my hair to look like this again based on my hair-drying skill using hairdryer hahaha... Well, since i'm gg out for dinner tnl nite, I might as well practise. Practice makes perfect isn't it? =D Though the cut was a bit on the expensive side, it was still worth it. Hopefully it will stay like that for a long time before I have to re-visit again! In the end, i cant resist taking a lot of photos of myself after the cut. So it was like cam-whoring in the ION ladies room! ahhahaha... Mirror rox!! =D the lighting was good with my camera in my hp... surprisingly haha...

Waiting for Jan to arrive.. so that i can finally get my iphone!! I'm so tired of my hp hanging on me le... it gets on my nerves! esp when i'm waiting for sms or writing sms... Parents went China for tour again, making it their 4th time visiting the same country. Yeah, I know that its a big place with many many provinces, but still.... just this year, they have been there 3 times!!! OMG... i dun get wats so facinating dere... *sigh* meanwhile I'm stuck in SG to face the dreadful exams!! I'm so dead rite now... being so behind in everything! =(

Oh well... Study study study everyone....

Self-taken with the help of the mirror
I always wanted to take a pic like this for a long time, but never had a decent one taken before this! Lighting is just perfect too! Soft and light.... =) i like it!

I look pale huh? But still hahah I like!

By the suggestions of a few frens, I decided I prob shld jot my thoughts down.

Been feeling down again these few days due to feeling of missing someone. I dunno if its because of the popping up of the person into my mind, I've been dreaming of the person consecutively for a few nights. Dreams that I could feel so much bliss and happiness inside. Seems as if nothing happened in that quiet world, but a place where I cannot control what will happen next. Waking up with the memories of the dreams fresh in my mind... its so sad, because i know they are not true in the real world, but yet, i want to remain in there... i rather be there. I tried to keep my mind occupied with other things. Worked well i might say, but even so, he will sneak into my mind when i least expected it. I probably should feel glad that my heart does not hurt as much as before, when i think about him. Now, its just longing and a lot of missing. I really still miss him so much. I cannot deny that. No use lying to myself. Once in a while, tears will threaten to fall, but i still manage to hold them back. I haven't cried because of him for some time... sometimes i think whether i shld probably let my guard down and just break down for a while... instead of controlling and telling myself to hold them back. I know i will not fall. I can get back up on my own... Just that, now, i realised that I still miss him so much. Even without contact or seeing him, I still miss him so much...

"there are so many things i know i can no longer do. I can no longer make cheesecake. Because its your favourite and its only meant for u. I can no longer play the games u taught me to, because its u who taught me. I can no longer sing that specific song anymore, because it was only meant for u from the bottom of my heart. Maybe one fine day, when I have finally placed everything down, I may once again do all these stuff. But now... its not possible at all, not even a single bit anymore..."

Erm... skipped a few days of blogging cos its the weekend! so took a little break heh heh... Had the long dreaded field trip to bukit timah reserve last thursday. Actually it wasn't that bad, in a way. Weather wasn't that all good, but it was still cooling after a short morning rain. Slightly humid, very wet... fresh air in the rainforest... Caught quite a bit of interesting stuff actually. Took TONS of photos tat I'm still trying to upload n sift through. I can't possibly put everything up haha... my laptop seems like it gg to crash anytime soon too... So I definitely have to start transferring stuff to my external hard drive and the re-format my laptop, before it really dies on me... =(

Me & my roomie! @ field trip

Had a good massage today at a spa treatment... SO COMFY!! N relaxing... it really feels so good to finally be able to go for a body massage... loosen my very stiff shoulders and neck... I wanna go again!! After that is just basically shopping, with a futile effort of trying to study at Teadot... =P Was suppose to b a good day, but still had a bit of the blues, esp at the later half of the day... when things I dun wanna remember at all kept popping into my mind, as i walk thru familiar places... But now, after some music therapy, I feel so much better le... Music can really heal the soul, especially a hurt soul.

Learnt something new today: how to put on fake eyelashes without the help of the lash clipper!! So cool!! I love the fake eyelashes!! Haha... definitely will see me with them more often! But my current ones seems kinda flimsy after my "torture"... Better get some new ones as a precaution bah!

Interesting sighting: 7.45am woke up to the sound of horning from ground floor of my block. Some wedding going on but it was like the cutest one i've seen so far. Apparently, the brother band (following the groom) hired a SG explorer bus (those we see in town area that fetches tourists ard) to pick the bride up instead of the usualy bridal car... COOL!! the all the bestmen worn matching outfits of white shirt, black ties and brown berms!! OMG... the cutest sight!! And to top it off, one of them had a loudhailer with him and shouting commands and blasting song from his HP... hahhaha... i had quite a bit of fun watching the going-ons to be angry for being woken up at such early hours (given that I slept at 4am and took drowsy flu med to bed)... Kinda like the idea of such outta-this-world kind of picking the bride up! hahaha...

The very special sight!
*Sorry if the quality is nt good. taken from 10th storey, its the best I can do*

Wednesday le... Fell sick liao. Flu from yesterday apparently became sore throat. Now its blocked nose, ears & head... O.o feels very hollow in my head... Missed lab and lecture for the day. I prob shld go to bed since I alr took med... Mid autumn fest celebration is gg on in hall. Gonna b noisy!! *Shrug* dun tink i have the mood & energy to go join in the celebration.. *weak*

Went shopping yest with SZ for some stuff. Bot a new top! Yay! But someone else had a better load than I did! Hahaha... bot a necklace and some tops... rite rite??*grinz* Had dinner at Taka. German sausages and pasta... taste good! Esp when eaten with mustard... Look at the happy face below as evidence! =D

the satisfied customer!

Me!!

Its quite a big portion actually, given its only sausages...

Oooo... yummy!!!

Something is wrong with my mood again these 2 days. PMS? I hope its only that... Prob also saw old pictures bah... AHHH~~ cannot!!! Must not think le! *piak myself* =D

School start lo!!!! I actually went for 830 lecture & din fall asleep at all!!! Wahahha... so proud of myself! =P Budden ah, wanted go for tutorial but realised that i got a lab report due today at 5pm! N i havent done it yet!!! O.o so in the end missed all my tut to rush out the report. Full lab report ah!! Luckily its done!! *phew* busy day today... later still got hockey training at 7pm. Then a meeting at 8.30pm... Gotta rush bak to hall to shower then rush down for meeting... hahha packed but yet I feel good lor... Haven't felt this happy for so long le... =D

Dunno y but stoopid FB dun let me upload my photos!!! Argh!! Keep telling my upload failed! What is wrong with it.... Grrrrr..... Tonite if i'm free then try again... Prob in middle when i'm revising today's lect bah... Hmm... can try do tut also... *wah~ suddenly work hard siah heh heh~*

Was watching a Taiwan drama... got a very cute animal called sugar glider... so cute! But apparently we cannot have it as a pet in SG. Banned cos its considered exotic animal I think... But its so cute... sigh~ wanted to keep one but since its also quite costly... its nt possible for me to have 1 even if its allowed... sigh~ oh well~ =)

Shopping tml!!! Yay!!! I wanna look for a clutch bag but thinking that I prob wun use it much, i shld prob just borrow from pple who has one huh?? Cos I only need it for a night when i attend a fren's wedding dinner... a handbag just doesnt look as nice with the dress i'm gonna wear... Excited for the upcoming events!! =D

Another weekend over le! And as usual I din study much! Hahaha.... But I had a happy week of rest @ home, enjoyed the Thursday shopping, Friday kbox & bdae celebration @ night for SZ & weekend in hall! =D Much more cam-whoring appeared this weekend!! hahaha...

On a sadder note... my term break is over so fast!!! Sadz~ din have enuff fun & now its back to study again!! Oh well... work hard for exams!! =D 加油啊!!!

So pale~

The aftermath of cyclone Chris...*no animal was harmed in the making of this pic*

e continuation of cyclone Chris...*poor floppy*

*say cheese*

appeared to be studying but....

TL!!! 我在偷吃!! Hahaha~

Random shot @ Ajisen

Yummy cake & tea @ Teadot

More photos from the weekend of "studying"... & cam whoring!! Wahahah....

Act cute photo from TL....

~自拍~

~自拍again~

This week is Chris's turn... Lets see what kind of photos will we turn out this weekend! Hahaha...

Wohohoho.... I finally found a nice skin. Not black lar but hope to transform it to black soon. I love the swirls on the top corner, and its so clean in layout... Oooo i like!! Rite now its still in a bad shape with no new stuff and no updates on the links. So people, just hang in there while i finish my this semester of torture from NTU hahahah... So I tink I will most likely only add posts and little bits here and dere... =)

Oh ya, wanna post up some cam whore pics from last weekend. Hee... TMM in hall with my TL... Apparently it was suppose to b a mugging weekend, but we ended up relaxing and nt much studying... =P

Hahaha.... Paiseh TL, post up yur pics also! But so cute mah! hahahha... Enjoy!

The "NERD" biting chips!

Muackz!!

Oooo nice couple shot! =D

The slightly more "toot" couple shot!

Happy Birthday Faith!!! =D Hoped u had fun and like yur present too!! Yur wallet is very nice....*drool*

Argh... can't find my perfect skin!! I prob shld go and learn n explore how to do one... Zzzz..... Need a nice dark skin... Zzzzz.... Hahhaha

Fresh new start!!! =D And everything will be alright again!! Learn to love myself more...=)