By the suggestions of a few frens, I decided I prob shld jot my thoughts down.

Been feeling down again these few days due to feeling of missing someone. I dunno if its because of the popping up of the person into my mind, I've been dreaming of the person consecutively for a few nights. Dreams that I could feel so much bliss and happiness inside. Seems as if nothing happened in that quiet world, but a place where I cannot control what will happen next. Waking up with the memories of the dreams fresh in my mind... its so sad, because i know they are not true in the real world, but yet, i want to remain in there... i rather be there. I tried to keep my mind occupied with other things. Worked well i might say, but even so, he will sneak into my mind when i least expected it. I probably should feel glad that my heart does not hurt as much as before, when i think about him. Now, its just longing and a lot of missing. I really still miss him so much. I cannot deny that. No use lying to myself. Once in a while, tears will threaten to fall, but i still manage to hold them back. I haven't cried because of him for some time... sometimes i think whether i shld probably let my guard down and just break down for a while... instead of controlling and telling myself to hold them back. I know i will not fall. I can get back up on my own... Just that, now, i realised that I still miss him so much. Even without contact or seeing him, I still miss him so much...

"there are so many things i know i can no longer do. I can no longer make cheesecake. Because its your favourite and its only meant for u. I can no longer play the games u taught me to, because its u who taught me. I can no longer sing that specific song anymore, because it was only meant for u from the bottom of my heart. Maybe one fine day, when I have finally placed everything down, I may once again do all these stuff. But now... its not possible at all, not even a single bit anymore..."