my head or my heart....

if i'm feeling lost... which should I follow? logic doesn't always seem to work...
maybe its like what they said, i used my head too much... no one knows the future... if i did not give a chance to find out what will happen, nothing will ever happen...
things i used to tell others, how come I just can't seem to use it upon myself as advice? It's funny when the same situation happens to me, i just can't seem to tell myself to do the same anymore. I used to say the same thing as my friend told me to do...
maybe i shld try to listen to my own advice for a change... or till then, it might be too late for any regrets... if things doesn't work out, then maybe its not the way it should be rite?
easier said than done... no matter what.. I have to decide soon... and not let things drag any further rite?
Yeah... maybe...

A nice song to listen to at night... heard it while watching Vampire Diaries
Plumb - Cut
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

holey crap!

man... i'm speechless and in shock... dunno wat to do man....

I still cannot comprehend what i heard... even if it was with my own ears... man.. seriously confused n in shock... and i dunno how am i suppose to handle it... 1st time in my life... even till now, after a day to digest the information, i'm still feeling confused and think that it was all a dream and it din happen in real life... i mean, its not possible that such stuff can ever happen to me... i just dun believe it can...

Did yesterday really happen? Maybe the rain drenching damaged my hearing or my brain...
what to do..... holey crap... i really dunno how to react... sigh

*Sometimes all I wish for is a warm hug and a shoulder to cry on.. someone who is solely mine to put all my love for*

I have a wonderful & healthy family, friends that care and love me for who I am, have a lot of wonderful things that many people out there may not have the chance to have or enjoy... Yet, this time, I just want to hold on to the selfish thought for a while... Just a one thought to hold me through what I am fighting inside me... Just to let me hold on to the thin line that is keeping me from crossing over to things I dun wanna think or do...

I pray for strength...

just finished watching brokeback mountain... totally cried my eyes out... can't imagine if i was watching in the cinema. Would have been so embarassed after the movie with my eyes all swollen & sniffling away...
Heard from a friend that it was a good movie... & only got to watch it now... yeah, i agree with her that the movie was very sad... sigh... and we lost a very good actor... oh man... i'm feeling so sad right now... ah!!! better go to bed now...

friday the 13th : ECP : rollerblading day : sunny!!

Sunny day at ECP on a nice weekday... Blading day for 2 girls! It was so different from blading on a weekend.. Spacious and empty that it was the 1st time I just sprawl in the middle of the track n literally suntanning! hahaha.. loving blading so much! But also the 1st time after so many years of blading that i fell right on my butt that day... nursing a bruise on my left thigh now keke... still it was a long time since i had so much fun blading!

Resolution for the week: eat less, train more for the Shear's Bridge Run, & blade more!

Into the last month of school holiday... watched uncountable numbers of movies, shows, dramas etc... Really drove my brain insane with the large amount of visuals...
Sadly, I did not catch up on my reading as much as I would have loved to. Only managed to read 2 books over the 3 months. Loved "Pride & Prejudice & Zombies"... The style of writing is a little hard to digest & understand sometimes (or most of the beginning of the book).. but slowly got the hang of it and finished the book. It's really interesting to read. Now i'm gonna read a continuation of the story written by another author who also loved the original story from Jane Austen. Wonder if it's as good...

I've uploaded a new song to my blog again. This time its from a korean movie that I watched last night called "Lovers". Its a sad story i suppose... since the male & female lead doesn't get their happily ever after ending with each other. It did made me ponder over some of the conversations that they had. "What will you do if the one you are destined for, appears in front of you just before your wedding day?" Gave it some thought... and was wondering what I will do if that happens.. That aside, enjoy the song... its very soothing & melancholy in a way... i do suggest not to listen to it when you are feeling down... Or u r gonna need a huge wad of tissue to go with it....

Enjoy....

不知道自己在做什么，只知道我不能再一次受伤。。。 因为我没自信能够再站起来...

因为害怕，所以胆怯...