a song to describe how i feel...

我恨我愛你 - 張惠妹

面帶微笑離開你懷裡　我聽天由命
最後一張王牌在手裡　二選一的機率
不能放縱愛你　就放過自己

愛情已經過了甜蜜期　多說也是無益
愛不愛我已經沒關係　一點小傷而已
你可以很放心　我不會為了留你假裝可憐兮兮

都怪我太不爭氣　我恨我愛你
Oh~ 我愛你　只是因為你是你
Oh~ 我恨你

你有我看也看不清的小聰明
你有我說也說不完的壞脾氣
你有我數也數不盡你　的新戀情

沒關係
我有你拿也拿不走的舊回憶
我可以一個人安靜的忘記你
我恨你最後那一句　我愛你

formatting my laptop... and using my bro's laptop to blog. Finally finished my exams... It was a horrible sem... totally cannot concentrate on studies due to the many things that happened in the whole of the past 6 months... walking in and out of it... yet not completely out of it yet. in the end, probably chui my whole sem n exams...

Listening to song and blogging down my feelings... Feeling a lot of emotions, not only for myself, and also for friends around me who are now walking out of their break-ups... Sometimes i wonder, do people really know what they want in a life partner. Being one of those who r still in the midst of healing n walking out, I still wondering what exactly happened or what went wrong. Sometimes I really blame myself for not doing anything... Or for not being a considerate partner. I regret for not being someone who can complement him or to care enough for him. I thought being beside him and caring for him was how I can show my love. I regret the times that I was being spolit or unreasonable... Then, i felt angry... angry for being betrayed. now, its just sadness left... I put my whole heart into loving this person... Never ever loved so much... Waiting for us to graduate, to move together into a new chapter of our lives... to be there, supporting and loving, caring and respecting each other. I thought he is the one that will hold my hands to the end, to hold me through all the happy times, the sad, the troubled and the many more to come in our future...

I still see the future that had the both of us... to have a family together... how our home will be like, and how would it be like to have kids and raising them together... now, its just a dream, a beautiful yet now painful dream...

After hearing from someone else, suddenly i feel a lot of emotion, for myself, n for my friend. I really thought about a lot of things... and all the emotions started pouring out from my broken heart. after so many months, my feelings for him has not cease a single bit. Trying to move on with my life, and wanting to forget...

tuesday... had my 1st paper yesterday... Won't say its too bad... given the amount i had to cram into my small brain... and the amount i actually REALLY got into my brain... Neurobiology.. tink killed a bit of my brain along with it haha...

one down, 5 to go.... Ooo lah lah... i'm jumping for joy... *sarcarstic*

the song still my goal... moved back a few steps these few days... but still, prob due to my exam stress n PMS prob... come on girl, u can do it!

Breaking out these few days too... tat is VERY bad.. I still have a HUGE n RED n VERY PAINFUL spot on my forehead that nothing can cover up!! the smaller ones r more or less taken care of... lucky... then still have a slight swollen right eye... Can't wait for exams to b over so i can relax!! Keep on going!!!

DYINGGGGG~~~~~ Exams sux!!! I hate exams ah!!! And lab reports!! Sad... 1st paper on monday. and i'm still very far behind! die le die le... so terrified now.... =(

Countdown!! Exams inched closer by another day!! And i was watching a korean series that is gg to show on tv... hahha... managed to stop myself from watching too much... its called "Cruel Temptation"... the female lead is so pretty n cool after her transformation! I love her whole look and how she dresses as the char... hahha... esp her hair! But tink i dun wanna cut my hair short like her...

The storyline is actually quite interesting... recommend pple to watch also... tink my mum might like watching it too!

Kk... back to my mugging le... *phew*

I happened to come across this song in my dad's ipod. Shld be uploaded inside by my bro... I think its very suitable for me right now. And probably in a way it describes how i wanna work towards... It felt like its a song, just for me... I actually felt so good and encouraged while listening to this on my way to school today. Felt so confident and light in my steps... Suddenly I felt everything is so beautiful and felt so free too... And its all i want to say, and left to say...

*Dedicating this song to all my friends and those who were once hurt... like me*

I look so good (without you)

boy i would have thought that,
when you left me I'd be broken,
with my confidence gone,
so gone.
hey boy i would have thought that
when you said that you don't want me
I'd feel ugly as if something was wrong

standin' in front of the mirror
my skin's never been clearer
my smile's never been whiter

(chorus:)
I look so good without you
Got me a new hairdo
Lookin' fresh and brand new
since you said that we were through
done with your lies
baby now my tears dry
you can see my brown eyes
ever since you said goodbye

I look so good
I look so good without you
I look so good
I look so good without you

hey i never would have thought that
when you left me
I'd feel sexy and so good in my skin again
and I never would have known that
I'd be dreaming so much better
without you in my head

standin' in front of the mirror
my clothes never fit better
my laughs never been louder

(repeat chorus)

i look so good
i look so good without you
i look so good i look so good without you

now baby my body's lookin' better than before
ain't biting my nails since you walked out of that door
I realize now i deserve so much more
than what you give
than what you give
than what you give ohhhh

Lazy day of unsuccessful effort to study.. very bad very bad indeed since 1st paper is in a week's time. Had a great dinner at some coffee house at clementi. Was suppose to be recommended on TV last week by some programme... Actually the food is really not too bad... I liked this deep fried salted egg coated scallop... weird combi but taste really good together! Went dinner with my uncle and cousins and my cousin's gf and my bro... Then had cake... chocolate cake with rum and dark cherry... from awfully chocolate!! THE CAKE WAS DELICIOUS!!!!!! absolutely heavenly!! it just melts in yur mouth and the cherry bits were just nicely mixed with hints of rum... Prob shld buy one for xmas this year!

the awfully heavenly delicious chocolate cake!!!

my cousin's bunny rabbit! very cute n hyper n cuddly...

so cute!

Parrot "Macau", gentle and so friendly... Knows how to say "hello" & its own name!! so adorable

Note: my hair just doesn't go back to the way it looked yesterday, no matter how much i blow n style it myself... i need a hair straightening iron!!! still, my hair now looks better than before the cut!! =)