凌晨四點鐘

Still awake at this hour blogging... not that i'm awake specially to do this...
I just finished my 1st draft of my thesis introduction so that i can submit to my supervisor for comments. Hopefully it will not be painfully thrashed out! hahaha.... so after finishing it, i thought of spending a few minutes blogging and to send some emails out heh heh...

Anyway, it's still not the end of my worries yet. I have a list of stuff to complete and hopefully i will get them all cleared ASAP.
1. complete my HRM project proposal! *very urgent!*
2. Continue to work on my thesis.. *after intro comes materials & methods*
3. BS313 video lectures and revision and tutorial practice*so many!*
4. D&D closing and accounts stuff...*because i'm the treasurer! need get it done ASAP too*
5. Get well soon and get some rest! *Ah-choo!! sniff sniff*

Lately been missing my poly life quite a lot... like frens and school environment and stuff...
Oooo... and one of my cat is done! just that it has no expression yet *cos i dun have black cross-stitch threads!* Starting on my 2nd one already... and hope that it will be even nicer than the 1st one!

Time for bed!!! Zzzzz.....

水曜日の感じ

spent some time writing to clear my thoughts... to chat with myself in a way...
wednesday is here, which means half the week is over. getting a new hobby to keep my mind and heart occupied. getting more and more proficient in my crocheting techniques, and hopefully my 編み猫 will be completed soon. Need more colours for my yarns. Can't really get myself to do so many in baby colours or light colours anymore. Just doesn't feel like me... i'm more cool colours and dark colours! haha... thus my 猫の家族 must be like me! keke... lambie & sheepie are going to get jealous soon as the 'family' expands...

I need a break from work soon, prob take a day off to recharge next week. maybe i shld go KTV by myself for the morning. hopefully to relax and keep my mind from wandering.

Still now, although its more or less settled, i'm still a bit confused as to what had happened for the past few months. Kinda made me feel like '有點被耍' 的感覺. seriously... 我很好耍嗎? 我不是被拿來解悶的好嗎... 真是有點納悶...  =_=' *diaoz...*

三八婦女節快樂

early morning... and a cool wet morning... nice to be sleeping in but i'm at work keke... kinda quiet in here...

wud not have noticed the day till i got the early message from my fren... seriously i dun remember such days... and usually i wait for the girls to send messages to each other! this year guess i'm the 1st haha...

Slowly catching up with my lectures, still very behind with HRM... dun have really very big interest in the topic... lets see how my day goes today... not really in a very hardworking mood... I'm making progress in my new hobby... wonder if its going to turn out nice like what i've seen... but can't really find the colour i like that doesn't come in 100% wool... i think a mixture wud turn out better...

Confused

Changed the look of my blog... Looks good... but lately nothing much to blog about...
Busy is one word to sum up what's going on. Juggling FYP and work, catching up on lectures and project. Almost having a non-existent social life... haha...

General feelings lately is... hmmm... what would be a good word to sum it all?

Jaded.

In a still, dead kind of way... kind of like i dun belong here... and my blog title says it all i tink...
Feels good in a way... kind of like a flat emotionless life generally... neutral... no feelings of much to talk about...

Quiet would be a good word, like my heart is in a white snowy world which only i exist. Light snow falling around me... trees dressed in sheets of white powder... sparkling sky... silence all around... wonder how long this kind of feeling will last... & what will come next...

At least one thing i know is i closed a chapter of something... maybe thats got me thinking... and thus the above feeling generally... Maybe... *ponders....*

my head or my heart....

if i'm feeling lost... which should I follow? logic doesn't always seem to work...
maybe its like what they said, i used my head too much... no one knows the future... if i did not give a chance to find out what will happen, nothing will ever happen...
things i used to tell others, how come I just can't seem to use it upon myself as advice? It's funny when the same situation happens to me, i just can't seem to tell myself to do the same anymore. I used to say the same thing as my friend told me to do...
maybe i shld try to listen to my own advice for a change... or till then, it might be too late for any regrets... if things doesn't work out, then maybe its not the way it should be rite?
easier said than done... no matter what.. I have to decide soon... and not let things drag any further rite?
Yeah... maybe...

A nice song to listen to at night... heard it while watching Vampire Diaries
Plumb - Cut
I'm not a stranger
No I am yours
With crippled anger
And tears that still drip sore

A fragile flame aged
Is misery
And when our hearts meet
I know you see

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut

I may seem crazy
Or painfully shy
And these scars wouldn't be so hidden
If you would just look me in the eye
I feel alone here and cold here
Though I don't want to die
But the only anesthetic that makes me feel anything kills inside

I do not want to be afraid
I do not want to die inside just to breathe in
I'm tired of feeling so numb
Relief exists I find it when
I am cut
Pain
I am not alone
I am not alone

holey crap!

man... i'm speechless and in shock... dunno wat to do man....

I still cannot comprehend what i heard... even if it was with my own ears... man.. seriously confused n in shock... and i dunno how am i suppose to handle it... 1st time in my life... even till now, after a day to digest the information, i'm still feeling confused and think that it was all a dream and it din happen in real life... i mean, its not possible that such stuff can ever happen to me... i just dun believe it can...

Did yesterday really happen? Maybe the rain drenching damaged my hearing or my brain...
what to do..... holey crap... i really dunno how to react... sigh

*Sometimes all I wish for is a warm hug and a shoulder to cry on.. someone who is solely mine to put all my love for*

I have a wonderful & healthy family, friends that care and love me for who I am, have a lot of wonderful things that many people out there may not have the chance to have or enjoy... Yet, this time, I just want to hold on to the selfish thought for a while... Just a one thought to hold me through what I am fighting inside me... Just to let me hold on to the thin line that is keeping me from crossing over to things I dun wanna think or do...

I pray for strength...